Pre – Testosterone

So right now I’m feeling exited, inpatient, with so much expectations and scared. In just two days I start testosterone. It won’t be shots, therefore it will be gel and I’ve heard it gets really annoying becase it’s Every. Single. Day. But like I said, I’m exited!!

I’m also inpatient because like its two days, I know I’ve waited for a long time now and two days must seem like nothing but to be honest it feels like I have to wait forever! I just wanna start like yesterday hahaha. But anyways I know I have to be patient because its just the beginning of a long ass journey.

Same time I have so many expectations. You know how you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re just visualizing how you imagine you could be? There’s a scary part about all of this, what if the idea you have in your head isn’t what you “get”. That’s why they say it’s very important not to have any expectations. It won’t be your fault if you look different than what you thought you would. We all have to understand, it all comes down to genetics and that’s it.

And lastly I’m scared. I’m scared shitless of what’s to come in all aspects of my life. I’m scared of the unknown. What’s gonna happen with my family? Are they all gonna call me Nicolás? What’s gonna happen at school? Are the teachers gonna use my birth name? What’s gonna happen with my social life? What’s gonna happen at work? I don’t know, you don’t know and nobody knows.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see… I’m still so excited for what life has in store for me and for us and the whole world.

December 31st 2020