I failed and it’s okay

So in my last post I said that if I didn’t achieve the goals I set for myself, it would be depressing. I take that back. I forgot that I said that failure is a part of growing and with this failing I actually learned a lot.

I’ve been really hard on myself, I’ve created these false expectations for myself and I was trying to achieve the expectations that other people have for me. I guess that’s the thing with expectations, we just shouldn’t have them. They create anxiety and this unnecessary feeling of stress and disappointment.

On a happy note, even though I failed to achieve “simple” goals, I realized my focus was on the wrong place. I thought I was doing what was better for me instead of doing what actually makes me happy. I don’t have everything figured out but I do know I’m finally walking in the right direction, I can just sense it.

So lets just remember that its okay to fail, that expectations aren’t everything in life, and we need to start listening more to ourselves and to figure out us more. To really know what we want in life, so we don’t end up surviving and we can start living.

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Setting Goals

So I haven’t been feeling great lately, to be honest, I’ve been feeling like shit. I’m aware that I could be feeling like this because, I’m going through menopause and puberty at the same time, I’m realizing my relationship ended, I lost the safe place I thought I was going to have, I can’t organize my head, I don’t know what I wanna do in life, and I’m feeling guilty that I’m loosing all this time but I just can’t get myself to do anything. So of course this has to stop.

In the book Progress Over Perfection by Emma Norris I learned that if I wanna achieve something I must break down big goals into more manageable goals, so I set 2 weeks goals because I know I need to start small. I hope that by sharing this will help me achieve those goals because now someone out there will know if I failed or I achieved them.

I know failure is a part of growing but in this scenario it would be depressing if I don’t achieve my goals. They’re honestly way to easy. I just need to turn them into habits so I can achieve my bigger goals.

So let me tell you what we’re working with.
– Body, to reduce my dysphoria, I’ll do a 20 minute exercise. Monday through Saturday.
– Mind, I’ll read at least 10 pages of a book every single day.
– Spirit, I’ll meditate at least 10 minutes daily.

I know I can do it, I hope I really do it. See you on February 28th.

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Leaving Bad Habits Behind

So I quit smoking and I’m doing sober 2021, wooo yei for me. But let me tell you, this was hard but at the same time so easy and I can’t understand how.

So I’m your kind of guy, or was I guess, that would have a beer in his hand every time I ate. I love beer, I love to try different types of beers and to really get to know where it comes from and how it was made. I’m a beer enthusiast if you please. But of course I couldn’t just have one. As soon as I started, it was just a matter of how many hours until bed, so I could squeeze in more beers until then.

Now, let me tell you about rosé. Or maybe just ask Paola how I finished a bottle that I found at her house. At the beginning I was like uf yes, let me have a glass and it ended with, you might as well finish it, and because I’m a great friend, I did. My mom, she even was aware that if we were having a family dinner and there was going to be wine, she would buy a bottle for each one of us, my sisters and I.

Disclaimer! I’m not endorsing drinking in any shape or form, nor smoking.

Yeah, I used to smoke too, and for whoever is wondering what type of smoking, both. I’m not gonna get into smoking marihuana because that was a long time ago and maybe it deserves a single post. Plus, I don’t believe it’s a bad habit overall so I couldn’t be talking about it in this one.

On the other hand let me tell you about cigarettes. They’re disgusting and smell horrible. This is the 3rd time I’m quitting them, but you know what they say, third time’s a charm. To be honest whenever I started smoking again it was because of anxiety, plus my ex girlfriends leaving me. But this time I wasn’t in a relationship, or maybe I was and still am but it’s a relationship with myself. And I’m never leaving me so, I think I may be good, right?

Now, why? Because of hormonal therapy. I guess there’s not much to it other than the fact that I’m doing it for myself. Because I’m starting this journey to be my true self, I wanna take care of me. If I don’t do it myself, no one will. I wanna be as happy and as healthy as I can be, so it just didn’t make sense to keep on drinking and smoking.

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Amira and Paola – BFF

Word of advice, just have TWO best friends. I promise you don’t need more. Everyone has their “school” friends, “party” friends, “family” friends, whatever friends, and it’s great to hang out with all of them but you’ll probably won’t tell them every little aspect of your life. Just like you would to your best friend.

One way I like to put it is that your best friend should be your perfect partner. The person who you’ll blindly spend the rest of your life with. Your spouse or husband or significant other. But it can’t be, the sex would be hella uncomfortable hahaha.

Now, the advice I could give to you is: choose carefully. The plan is you’re gonna share the rest of your life with them, as they will with you. It won’t be about how long you’ve known them for, honestly time doesn’t matter. What truly matters is connection, it’s all about the trust, what you both share and how you share it. Openly and without judgment.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve already found my two best friends, Paola and Amira. The three of us went to the same school and the friendship started the very first day I met Paola (4th grade), with Amira it took some time (7th grade) but now I honestly don’t know what I would do without them. Once we grew up and got to the point in our lives where you start cleansing the people around you, that’s when I knew I just couldn’t leave without them.

If you’re gonna be here for this ride, it’s important for me that you know at least who they are because they’re so so so very important pieces to my life and I’m forever grateful with both of them. The things they’ve done for me and how, up until this day, they’re still by my side, it’s just speechless to me.

Paola y Amira if you’re reading this las amo un chingo y gracias por ser parte de mi vida <3.

This is Paola, my sister.
This is Amira, my other half.

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moon omens

Have you ever just followed an account on social media just because whatever they post will make you smile? Well, the one I follow is called moon omens from instagram (also we’re not really strangers) and tbh I truly believe I was meant to read every single post that found its way to my home page.

When I read some of these posts I wanna let you know that I was definitely NOT at my best. Transitioning in a catholic family, in Mexico, with everyone in everyone’s business, it’s not that easy and it can get very overwhelming, very fast. And funny enough, something that really helped me through that time, was following this type of accounts. Where every time I saw a post, I felt that we were vibing at the same frequency and all of the sudden I just didn’t feel so alone. Plus it was the perfect amount of hope that I needed at that time.

Today I just wanna share some of my favorites, I hope they help in some way. You’re not alone in this, I know that sometimes it can feel like you are but I promise you, you are not alone!

It’s not your job anymore to fight for someone else’s version of the story. You have to believe in your own story and be honest with yourself how that story played out for you. You don’t have to tell them they were wrong. You don’t have to prove to them their version was wrong. You have to be kinder to yourself and work on your own pain, not theirs. Let go of blaming. Let go of needing to prove to others you have good intentions. Prove to yourself you can be better. Prove to yourself there is room for faults and growth. Prove to yourself you are responsible for healing your own wounds and not needing anyone else to carry them for you.

– D A R R E N S I A O

One day it just clicks. You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. you realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you smile. You smile because your are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.

– B E C C A L E E

You have never shamed the waves for not arriving on the ocean shore any sooner than they were meant to, and you have never looked above you to guilt the clouds for taking their time as they cross the noonday sky. You simply accept: these clouds must travel and whatever pace they need to. Oh, what a difference it would make if you have yourself this same grace.

– M O R G A N H A R P E R N I C H O L S

The best thing you can ever do for yourself is love every part of you that others deemed unworthy. The love you have for yourself is strong enough to heal you from the insecurities you need to let go of. The love you have deep within you will give you the strength to never give up on yourself.

– N A T A L Y A J O H N S O N

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KISS – Keep It Super Simple

Keep It Super Simple. This is something they taught me at work and it was the main rule when talking to clients. Suddenly, I realized this is something I could use in my own life.

Since I came out to myself, I’ve been overthinking about how to come out to my family, how to tell my friends, how will people react, will they accept me, are they gonna take it seriously, is it something i will be able to talk about… and then I just realized, KEEP IT SUPER SIMPLE.

How though?

  • You’ll come out to your family when you’re ready and you don’t have to make it a big thing, just say what you need to say and keep it super simple.
  • Your friends love you no matter what and if some don’t like who you truly are then they’re not your friends at all.
  • It doesn’t matter how people will react or not. You have to be okay with yourself and if you are then all those that surround you will be.
  • You have to accept yourself first and then, yourself. That’s how life is, you can’t base your happiness on people, period. So don’t worry about people not accepting you because once you accept yourself, that’s all you truly need. Remember, keep it super simple.
  • The people around you will take it as serious as you take it. If they see you 100% sure, they’ll know its a 100% true.
  • Find people who you can talk with but know that not everyone will be on board with the conversation of it and they’ll just let it flow. And don’t get me wrong, sometimes that’s the best.

It gets better, and I know maybe you’re tired of people telling you that, I know I was. But I promise, I really really promise, it really gets better. And with your rushing and intrusive thoughts, just KISS them away.

If you want someone to talk to, I’ll always be here.

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